Friday, May 7, 2021

Embarrassing Bodybuilding Bodies

Welcome to part 2 of the most embarrassing bodybuilding bodies.

Now If you thought the story told in part 1 was dramatic and funny, you’ll probably find this one so over the top it’s hard to believe.

I introduce you to the following individual

This guy probably has the worst attitude out of the entire series you’ll find here. At the age of 22, he claims to be a world muay thai champion, a world kick boxing champion, a mixed martial artist, and to quote his facebook page “Quite possibly the most dangerous man that will ever live or exist.”

When I first met him he was a young soccer player with a piss poor attitude. I was brought in to coach a local youth team. The school was struggling. Think about losing every match, crap staff, training facilities that were currently being redone, however the school had miss spent some of the money. In general, it was a ridiculous mess. I was brought in to help the Youth team soccer teams, the rugby teams, and the judo teams, along with the “gym” which didn’t last long unfortunately. But this story is about the individual in the photo above.

When I first met him he was playing the centre forward role in a football team, basically the number 10 position.
I watched him play and began speaking with the coach. This guy was absolutely dreadful up front, his movement was poor. He’d wait for the ball to be passed to him, for God’s sake! Stuck in the same position, despite this, he had some good pace, but what made this worse and, to be frank, pissed me off, was, unlike the other forward he was playing with, he’d never run into space. Oh no, he expected the ball to be put perfectly to his feet. No running forward or beating a defender. No through balls, no trickery movements, nothing. He was about as much a number 10 as the dog taking a piss on the school wall was.
The first thing I did was remove him, unlike his brother who was an average school forward, who we then put in the number 10 position. We completely reshaped the team into a 4 3 2 1 formation.

Basically for anyone who understands that’s 2 centre backs, 2 attacking wing backs, 1 anchor man to help out the 2 centre backs, 1 deep laying play maker, and 1 box to box midfielder. The two in front of them then became “inside forwards.” If we were attacking and our wing backs were going forward they’d turn into attackers so we had 3 attackers. If the wingbacks were defending they’d turn into wingers and run up the wing to cross a ball in. This worked like a charm and the individual in the photo was extremely unhappy.

Our first match we won 3.0, something they’d not done in over 18 months.

This trend continued as we won the next 7 matches and I became attached to quite a few of them. Again the individual in the photo turned up to every session, playing in the centre forward role and ended up being dropped to the C team of the school.

A few weeks later we did try outs at the school. Our goal? To get as many young kids as we could involved in the sport and improve the schools a, b and C team.

This went perfect. The individual in the photo who we will call “Andy” For the sake of this article. turned up for the C team and we had a rather bad injury to one of the youngest kids in the team, Andy took his place as the deep laying playmaker for the last 10 minutes.

To my shock for the first time Andy gets the ball he blasts a pass about 70 yards just slightly in front of the right winger who has plenty of space to move into and it leads to what I honestly mean was one of the most impressive things I’be seen an amateur perform.

This lasted for the last 10 minutes where the C team came from losing 3 goals to 2 to winning 4 goals to 3.

He found pass after pass in what you could only describe as Hollywood like passes, over and over spreading the ball about, the other team would charge at him but if he got the pass off you knew he’d take out 2 to 4 of their players with a simple move. I was impressed and we kept playing him in this position for some time where he’d dominate the man of the match performance charts.

Eventually we moved him into the first team where he did simply fantastic in his new position and attracted the attention of scouts from some very reputable European football clubs.
Now getting onto the “funny part” of the story.

This lasted for about 4 months until we had a match where we were winning 8.0 at half time, as I was brought in as a tactical and fitness expert. It was still the coache’s job to say who and what plays where (though I had pretty much taken this over) I only had 2 months left on my contract with them now and I’d have to leave the school. There was no way they’d be able to afford me for any longer. But I knew I’d left with giving them enough knowledge to improve their sporting facilities for at least the next 10 to 15 years and I was sure I’d made a lot of youngsters in numerous sports not only a hobby but a job and career.

So I was proud of my accomplishments there and the accomplishments of the school. Anyway, back on with the story. it was 8 goals to 0 and at half time everyone was buzzing and laughing together in the dressing room.

“I’m fucking fed up” I heard one shout out. I turn my head to look in his general direction and see Andy. He kicks over a water bottle. “8 fucking 0 and ive not scored a fucking goal. I’ve had enough, I mean it, this is fucked. I am the best player here. I’m..”, I cut him off.

“You are what? The best player?” I then named 4 of the players who have youth contracts with sports teams and the 2 others who have now got them. “…All better than you at this moment in time. Stop talking shit. You are all different to each other and you all have a role to play”

“Yeah and my role is up front play me as the number 10 I’ll bang those goals in, bruv!!”

“No,” I told him. ” You wont.” He yells for ages threatening with behaviour before I stood up and told him to shut his mouth. He leaves the dressing room looking like he’s going to cry calling everyone “bitches.”

He never turns up for training again and completely disappeared joining one of the local teams as a number 10. This lasted for 2 weeks before they told him to never come back.

Now the story doesn’t end there for our deluded friend, now he was at the age of 20. I went to one of the big martial art schools in one of the bigger towns and I noticed a young boy there with really short hair (it’s important to mention that the individual in the photo used to have hair that almost went down to his backside when he played football, so his new short hair cut was quite a surprise ), I thought it was him but was unsure, eventually realising it was, I laughed. It was a school that focused on muay thai and a few other styles.

I began training on the punch bag, then with the pads, and of course doing some sparring. Eventually I knew he’d recognised me as began starring over with silly little glazes and anger in his eyes.

Eventually he came over once I’d finished training “I didn’t want to spar with you.” “Oh Andy,” I said “Hello.” “No Just… Just listen”

I tried not to laugh as his voice began to get deeper “I decided not to spar with you because I thought if I get in there and let my anger take over, someone will die tonight”

Hahaha, I found my self bursting out into hysteria. “Alright, Andy. Thanks for being so thoughtful”

He then enters the sparring ring. I thought I’d stick around to watch him, which was certainly worth it as he got knocked down several times by the first guy he’d gone against who was a white belt, and not really the best.

His third opponent in sparring was a girl who was quite good, to be fair to her, but she humiliated him with jabs, crosses, and constant round house kicks.

Smiling I began talking to the owner of the place as I knew him well. I told him about Andy and we both had a laugh.

Apparently he paid for a life time membership and was telling everyone how he was the most dangerous man alive and he better not lose his temper or someone would die. He’d done this over and over again on an almost daily basis to them.

Cutting a long story short, a few of us were sharing a laugh after training, talking about our nutritrion and the different ways of training and catching up, until Andy bursts into the middle of us and goes “Alright guys, just to let you know I don’t wank.”

A deadly silence rings before I started laughing like a school girl again. I couldn’t help it, but there was something about this guy from the minute I’d met him. He came out with the most ridiculous things, almost as if he had a mental illness.

“What?” Someone spoke up. “Well I heard you all talking about the toughness required to eat well, like low carbs or whatever and dropping weight… Well I don’t wank because I don’t feel the need to. I found it makes me much more mentally aware. I mean it’s kind of gay isn’t it? Touching your own..”
“Shut up!” One of the females interjected.

I walked away as did many of us and apparently he quit the club soon after words.

Not too long after this he then went and started MMA with a huge obsession about how the WWE sucks but the UFC has the best athletes in the world. He did 4 MMA classes and eventually quit. I then saw his facebook page in which he claimed and I quote:

“I’ve been trained by the world champion Muay thai fighter, and a world champion boxer. I’m quite possibly the most dangerous man alive and I will mess you up if you go against me.”

And finally we wouldn’t be a bodybuilding website unless, yes. He started bodybuilding at the age of 22. After uploading the photo you saw earlier. In fact, I’ll post it again.

Now. this is a photo of him after 9 months training. His diet? Protein shakes, and chocolate, or whatever he can find in the house, hence the lack of any kind of muscle.

He posted his routine and it was great, I mean this, here is an exact line from him.

“I don’t need to squat, my legs get all the power from my years of being a muay thai fighter. I just need big arms and chest.”

He bench pressed 40KG 88lbs for 5 sets of 10 every day. He then did curls with the empty bar 44lbs. or 20kg, every day and a few situps and that was his routine.

God knows where he is now. Last time I saw him actually, he was looking VERY obese and was addicted to cocaine. To put the story into a bit of perspective I did find out he had an alcoholic father who used to beat him and his mother frequently when he was younger, so I’m assuming as unfortunate as it was this had something to do with the way he found himself acting on a daily basis.

Anyway I’d love to hear your stories and funny experiences.

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