Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Gym Freaks

Due to the success of our article, Gym Idiots, we decided to do another article on experiences with others. While these didn’t belong in the “gym idiots” article, they certainly belong in the “Gym Freaks,” article, which I have decided to title this.

Since gyms just mirror society in general, it is obvious you are going to meet your fair share of idiots, freaks, sluts, and very rare “reak nen” there. Anyway, here are a few of the gym freaks I have run into over the years.

  1. When I was younger, I had to help out a local high school with their athletes in the gym. To make some extra money the school was also “renting” out the gym, perse, for cheap fees (a dollar on entry) you could train there daily for as long as you wanted.

Now while you were probably expecting me to tell a funny story about one of the kids there, I’m actually not. There was this guy who used to get on top of the lat machine and pull the lat bar into the air, while standing on the machine. Why did he do this? I have absolutely no idea, whatsoever. I actually asked him many times why he did it, only to get told “You might be bigger than me, son, but that don’t mean a thing when a man’s stood up here.” I couldn’t help it; I burst into laughter and walked away.

I use to continuously use him to show off to the kids, “Look, you don’t want to train like him and injure yourself, do you? Do you want to look like an idiot with no muscle?” So, he did come in “handy,” one could say. All of the kids were scared if they didn’t listen to me they might turn into him! But this isn’t all…

He also used to make up all sorts of crazy exercise, like using the fly machine with his head. To make matters worse, he looked just plain weird. Believe it or not, his upper body was not horrendous he had a bit of weight and a full 6 pack. Though, he told me this was down to his plan of eating just 6 cans of tuna daily, every day of the week.

Now skip down his legs, they were so scrawny they could pass for a 4 year olds. He was probably 40 years old, balding, but with a pony tail, wore tons of gold chains, and of course, sun glasses in the gym. He would hit on every woman there. It didn’t matter if she was 14 or 41, he didn’t care. “You look good for your age,” was the best line. I always remember him saying that to one of the youngest girls there before going towards one of the teachers who was in her 50′s and using the exact same line, just minutes later. And yes, they would all turn him down.

The funniest thing was that one day he showed up with a new car, a Silver Honda with a license plate that said “Batman.” Anyway, someone at the gym noticed a Personal which read something like “Outgoing Bodybuilder looking for adventurous women who would like to ride in his new Batmobile.” The AD was posted on the message board and the guy disappeared for a while.

  1. Fitness First. I can’t believe I’m telling this story, but when I was 18, I was begged and begged to go into “Fitness First.” (A piece of crap, and terrible gym.) I was given a free pass and denied it, until eventually, my friend convinced me to go in. I went in my training clothes and was told by the staff, “You don’t look like the usual type we get here, haha…” “Right…” I thought. I was training for an MMA fight at the time, so I was, by no means, huge, but I was ripped. I also assumed that the head shaved look and lack of shaving was “intimidating”. The guy saying this to me was about 6 foot tall and 120lbs. Oh, and he was the senior coach…

Anyway, the freaks here were the people who actually worked at the club. They had these so called “trainers” who would go around and spot and give advice. I was doing squats and this guy came up to me and says, “Man, man, man!!! Some heavy squats, check your knees!! Careful!!! There’s too much damn weight on that bar!!!!” I put the bar down. “Are you an idiot?” I asked. “Are you trying to get me hurt or yourself?” After giving him a mouth full, he went away. Later on, I was doing flys and some other trainer came up and started yelling “Push it!” and “You can do it!” I finished my set before I broke out laughing. (Yes, I don’t know how, either) From that point on, I made it a point to never join one of these gyms. Oh, and did I mention, they actually offer free bottles of coke on entry…? Yeah…

  1. While training for a competition I had to travel around the country. In one of the gyms I went to there was this kid who worked out who always ran around, just plain mad. I remember wondering if he had some kind of mental disability, as he actually took his training pretty serious, and was far more committed than most. He’d RUN between exercises to the next one. And to speak to, he was so overactive and giddy, it was insane.

He had a crew cut and was always acting like he was a marine, although he was only a 14-15 year old kid. I actually talked to him a couple of times and other than being a little edgy, he was a nice kid. I remember giving him some advice on how he should do more squats and using stiff leg deadlifts for the back of his legs. The next day on his leg day he was doing them. I was absolutely shocked.

One day, however, this guy who was, what I would consider, a semi pro bodybuilder made some comment to him about being a psycho. The kid stayed quiet and eventually mouthed off back to him, just before the bodybuilder slapped him across the face. Then the kid just went ballistic throwing weights, crying and yelling obscenities. I remember the bodybuilder trying to hide behind the leg press as he threw 5kg plates at his head over and over, then he started on the 2kgs. The club banned him.

  1. When I was younger, I’d also train at the university, but I’d always avoid the college gym when possible. Why? Because it had a large homosexual community in there. The worst part was, you didn’t need to be homophobic to not go there, oh no. I remember a gay guy telling me how he’d never go there because someone tried to have at it with him.

Now this story actually isn’t mine to share. While I avoided the gym, the same friend I mentioned earlier decided to try it out. Fair enough… Until he came back and told me that some dude was stroking it in the shower while staring at him.

Eventually, the guy asked my friend if he was going to “drop the soap,” which erupted into a huge fight. My friend was confronted by the manager of the gym who informed him, due to the beating, he felt he may need to call the police. My friend explained the situation, only for the manager to explain to him that this had been a common problem and he understood and “could he please forget it never happened?” Surely enough, once I was told this story, it was enough for me to tell everyone I knew not to bother going there.

  1. Every gym I have ever worked out has one “stinky dude.” What is up with people not wearing deodorant? I can’t tell you how many times I have either walked by a guy or gotten on a bench and thought I was going to puke. I wonder if they smell like this in public or at their workplace? Sometimes I’ve considered saying something, but I’ve always wondered if they can’t smell it, or if it’s a disability, so I’ve never bothered.

I hope you enjoyed our “Gym Freaks” article and remember to read “Gym Idiots,” if you haven’t already! Please like us on facebook and join in comments!

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