waltercronkite

(FNP) Kansas City, Mo – Police investigate disturbance at Walter Cronkite’s gravesite

Local authorities were called in today to investigate an incident at the Walter Cronkite gravesite in KC, MO. According to preliminary reports there appeared to be a huge blast that ripped up the ground and it was centred directly over Walter Cronkite’s grave. First responders stated that the area looked like a bomb had gone off, disturbing gravesites, trees and tombstones in the immediate area.

At the scene, a groundskeeper, whose name has been withheld per his request, provided the following eyewitness testimony to the police. I was working late last night and as I was getting ready to leave I heard a low rumbling sound coming from the area around Cronkite’s burial site. As I walked towards it the rumble scaled up to a higher and higher pitch. I thought it sounded like something getting ready to break or something so I started to get out my cell phone to call my boss when the ground erupted. I was knocked back by the force and when I sat up I saw the most incredible thing anyone has ever seen. Walter Cronkite had risen from the grave. I mustered the courage to approach the apparition and I asked him why he had returned. He tried to speak, but his voice quavered with emotion, “I have not chosen to return, but the actions of the press in this country made me spin in my grave so hard that I caused an explosion.” He went on, “I have never been so ashamed of the third estate. In my time newscasters prided themselves on providing fair, accurate and balanced reporting. Gradually the standard of fair and accurate faded away and the media only provided the pretense of being unbiased. Since 2016 I have seen the third estate completely abandon the concept of fair and balanced and now they no longer even pretend to be unbiased or to try to present alternative views.” Walter continued, “They forfeited their integrity and they sold their souls trying to get Satan’s evil twin elected president. She lost. Now they do not have their candidate of choice, they no longer have their integrity and they sold their souls. Is it any wonder they are so upset?”

I asked the apparition if there was anything that could be done to repair the problem. He said that there was much that could be done, but that nothing could be accomplished until the whining sound had died down enough for real communications to begin. As a tear rolled down his face the apparition faded from sight…”

Article submitted by Scott Lineback [email protected]