Funny Gym Stories

I decided to do a more “fun filled” article to go with the more serious ones we often have on here.

In this journey of ours that we like to call life, we commonly run across many characters. Business men and women, drunk driving soccer mothers, sluts, comedians/pranksters, can’t miss out on the criminals. Very much like a well-developed television series or the latest blockbuster movie that everyone just needs to see. Everyone has something that makes them an individual, and hell, that’s what makes this world the way it is. Everyone has something that sets them apart from the pack.

And obviously Its no different than in the gyms that we train in.

I thought I’d take a few minutes to describe some of the funny characters that I’ve met or experienced in gyms all across the country and even across the world that I’ve trained in

Some of the characters that, of course, entertain me (though, they probably don’t know it!), and I’m hoping will entertain you to the same extent they do me.

Before I get started I just wanted to note that none of these descriptions are meant to be insulting. I only insult those who don’t have the tenancy to train or do any gym work.

The first character is someone that I’d like to call Rainbow Randolph. He’s an individual who I believe was in his mid 40s, when I knew him and who I’m pretty sure has a slight mental disposition.

The gym he entered had 2 glass doors and a little reception. Once you sign in at the reception you have to go through another pair of doors and enter the gym.

Quite often he’d walk in pushing both set of glass doors open, allowing them to bang loudly behind him. He’d take a deep breath (yes, he really did this), put his head down, pull it back and slam the next two open as he walked into the gym. However, the lady at the front would quite quickly say “Excuse me, sir!” He’d attempt to ignore it, only for her to say it again. He’d quickly turn around and apologize. She’d give him a bit of an attitude and a warning and he’d apologize. He did this EVERY day. Seriously. Every single day, he’d do the exact same thing.

What’s worse was the way he’d dress. It was common to see him in spandex shorts and a spandex tank top, his favorite outfit of choice, though, was all stripes, very similar to a gay pride flag.

He quite possibly may also have tourette’s syndrome as random phrases have been heard coming from his mouth at inappropriate times, and he especially likes to scream “dirty rabbit” from the public showers.

He’s not in great shape, obviously. I’d put this down to the lack of diet and cardio. Along with the fact he walks around talking, rather than doing any form of exercise, but he does still makes it to the gym on a daily basis.

The next guy is one that I actually have a lot of respect for. (And yes, he did juice, but his dedication was nothing short of remarkable). “The old psycho,” as we’ll call him for the sake of this story. He came to the gym every day by himself. He would lift heavy, and he scares the shit out of all the female members. (And a hell of a lot of the guys who’d do bicep curls in front of the mirror all day)

He’s in his late 60′s. Doesn’t make an effort to talk to anyone, (Unless you had the same dedication he did, then he’d give you all the time in the world… BUT only after training!) He does classic power lifting. I’d like to keep it honourable and admirable here. But his only down fall was he’d stare at the women in between sets. (What a guy!)

The only problem I have is the fact that by looking at this guy, you’d never know that he’s doing deadlifts, squats, bench press, etc. all on a weekly basis.

Yes, he ate a lot of good food. But he’d also cover it up with a lot of shit. After training, he told me once, “Ah, gonna have steak, fries and peas as soon as I get home, and wash it down with an energy drink!”

My favorite thing about this guy, though, is his between set “psych out” routine. He’d stand up, walk over to the nearest to him. He’d left a box of chalk he always brought with him. He’d then slap his own ass around 3 times (quite hard, too) before continuing forward, he’d then begin to make noises like he’s a horse.

The next character is one that I started to call “legs.” Why legs? Because he NEVER TRAINS HIS LEGS.

This Guy is from Sweden and he has an upper body that, I’m relatively confident, he could model/compete with—At least at an amateur level.

Obviously he’s on a lot of anabolic steroids because, not only does he not lift very heavy, (I’m talking under an 80KG bench) he doesn’t train smart in the slightest. Very rare have I seen him do any kind of pressing movement besides the bench press, he doesn’t do croc rows, bent over rows, pull ups etc.,yet has an insanely large back. He does bench press, but avoids dips, flies, etc., and has a huge ripped chest and very proportionally huge arms.

Problem comes when he was changing once. I’m not over exaggerating this. His legs were as skinny as my 12 year old nieces. You actually wouldn’t believe he’d EVER trained them. But what’s worse is he actually had SMALL legs for a male.

If this guy didn’t lift weights, we’d joke about him having chicken legs… the fact he does and ‘roids up to kingdom come, well, you can imagine that he was more top heavy then Dolly Parton, for sure!

Then, of course, we’ve got the “Team Bench Press” crew. As you all will know, I get very angered when someone loser comes up to me and asks how much my max bench is. I was squatting over 600lbs before I even thought of anabolics. But no one would care about that! These guys are in the gym at least every other day (sometimes every day!) and they’re benching! That’s all they do! There’s about five of them in total and they’re taking about 5 minutes each between sets and constantly benching. Are they over training? Well I saw one who was benching 60kg for 10 reps to start with. He’d go down in weight often. By the end of it, he was at 42kg almost in tears. “Why am I getting weaker and smaller?”

I explained why and he said “I don’t think so, man. I think I should just add another bench day in.”

Despite the fact I’m far more experienced than him, and knew this was a bad Idea, I smiled and gave him a pat on the back, and he carried on doing this until it fell under 40kg. So he left the gym.

The fifth character is Mr. Mrs. Stretch. When I’d the chance to train in the mornings, I’d get to the gym around 6 am and this guy was always there. It brought a large amount of pain towards me to have to see this guy.

You see, while I’ve trained in 100s if not 1000s of gyms, this particular gym has a “stretching class” every day at 6:30 AM. The class is filled with middle-age, overweight housewives., who spend all day talking about how hard it is to look after their kid and yet they can come out and get fit. The lightest one there will be over 200lbs, making it more embarrassing. It’s full of all these women and well, this guy! He’s a 25 year old man, who needs to get away from this class!

First, the class’ whole purpose is to serve as a warm-up to training… even the desperate housewives, as I like to call them, know that.

But this guy, he does the 25 minute class. He hops up, downs an energy drink, and then a chocolate bar, showers, and leaves! I’m also 100% sure this is the same guy who goes to McDonalds for lunch with his co-workers, orders two Big Mac meals and a 40 ounce Coke and asks everyone why the hell he’s not losing any fat! People like this anger me. Downright make me feel murderous. Note to people like this: If your instructor is an overweight woman or a man at 6.5 and 12lbs, it’s usually a VERY good sign that it’s time to re-evaluate whether that class is right for you. (It’s not.)

Of course, this is only a small minority of people at the gyms I’ve been involved, I wish I could say the majority is smart in their training and nutrition. But unfortunately, I can’t.

I thought this article would bring a few laughs to you and be worth sharing. How about you? I get 100s of emails daily. Why don’t you share some of your stories in the comment section below? And be sure to click the facebook like or retweet this. We could all use a good laugh!

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